Hello dear reader, I didn’t watch many horror movies this month due to seeing a flurry of ‘Oscar’ movies (when oh when will both be synonymous cruel world?) and seeing one of my all-time favourite movies In the Mood for Love (2000) for Valentine’s Day. In case you didn’t know, the movie’s star Maggie Cheung (and her wardrobe) is the queen of the world. But of course Valentine’s Day and horror also meld beautifully together, which inspired my first viewing….
My reviews are spoiler free.
Honeymoon (2014) 8/10
Leigh Janiak’s body horror is an excellent, tense and heart-breaking movie about trauma, marital strife and if we can ever really know another person. Bea and Paul are young newlyweds who spend their honeymoon in Bea’s familial cabin in the woods. But soon their idyllic post-nuptial holiday sours as Harry finds Bea sleep-walking and naked one night in the forest. This is an impressive debut from Janiak who would later go on to direct and co-write the Fear Street trilogy (2021) with Honeymoon co-writer Phil Graziadei. Although the script has a knowing dimension of unreality to it, it does feature some incredibly astute and thought-provoking writing. Rose Leslie of Game of Thrones fame is really excellent as the increasingly disturbed Bea and there’s one scene in particular demonstrating gendered performativity that has really stuck with me. Harry Treadaway also delivers a good performance as the confused and concerned Paul. The chemistry between both leads is highly believable making their descent into turmoil even more heart-rendering. I didn’t find it conventionally scary, but the real power of the horror lies in some very chilling and tragic moments. Overall, this is a very satisfying first feature which heralded an exciting horror talent.
Hell House LLC (2015) 5.5/10
Stephen Cognetti’s found-footage supernatural documentary horror is a fun, cheesy but ultimately middling movie about the economic exploitation of tragedies, toxic masculinity and how conspiracies are concocted to rationalise unexplainable events. The movie documents the lead-up to a 2009 Halloween tragedy – the opening of ‘Hell House’ a popular haunted house attraction in upstate New York which, after a “malfunction,” leaves fifteen members of the public and the attraction’s staff dead. The movie is really reminiscent of the V/H/S (2012) segment ‘(10/31/98),’ but turned into a full-length feature, which partially explains some of its flaws – these types of scenarios usually work best over a shorter period of time. But there are definitely some decent, classic found footage-type scares e.g. ‘oh fuck what is that in the corner?’ and there’s a really good use of creepy clown costumes. But there is also some quite ropey acting, especially during the interview sequences. Ultimately it’s a bit unsatisfying and predictable (perhaps in 2015 it felt more original?), especially when there’s such innovative and thought-provoking found footages movies out there now like The Medium (2021) and Host (2020).
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022) 5/10
David Blue Garcia’s folk slasher is a mediocre, silly although sometimes enjoyable, movie about trauma, gentrification and the urban/rural divide. Almost 50 years after Leatherface’s original killing spree, a group young entrepreneurs and influences (including the traumatised school-shooting survivor Lila) travel to the abandoned town of Harlow, to auction off old properties to create a trendy new town. However, after a terrible incident, a familiar chainsaw-wielding face appears… I think my main issue with the movie was the terrible script. At first I thought it was trying to be camp in the Malignant (2021) vein, but as the movie progressed it became clear it was just badly written. It felt like the scriptwriter wasn’t familiar with how younger people, especially young women, talk or think. The two main female leads didn’t have much to go on although Eighth Grade‘s (2018) Elsie Fisher makes a valiant effort. The way both were styled also felt like they originally wanted to cast Maisie Williams and Alia Shawcat, but either couldn’t afford them or they’re apparently too old now?! To its credit the movie actually grapples with some really timely ideas like gentrification, influencer culture and trauma born of gun violence, but it explores it in such a ham-fisted way it’s achingly cringey at times. There are very few scares or moments of sustained tension and terror that get under your skin. Leatherface isn’t particularly menacing either, although they try to give him some sort of coherent motivation behind his behaviour. Leatherface almost feels like a highly elaborate psychological ruse for Lila to not have to move to the countryside and to get away from her annoying sister. There’s a couple of surprisingly gory moments, but on the whole the violence is actually quite pedestrian and almost cartoon-like. On the plus side the movie’s short running time kept my attention (although perhaps the characters could have benefited from a bit more time to flesh out their backstories). Overall, it’s mildly enjoyable and forgettable garbage.
Let's Scare Lauren to Death 